i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
