That's intense
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
