New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
