I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
