we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
