Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
