No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
