Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
