I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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