don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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