im six kinds of drunk right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
