I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
