i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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