I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
