Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
