i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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