Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
