Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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