So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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