did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize