you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
