The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
