I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
