it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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