K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
