the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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