I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
