do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
