Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He better not be in your backpack
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
