Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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