We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
