this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
