I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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