when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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