I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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