dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize