so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize