Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
