Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
