You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
