And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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