I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize