Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
