the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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