I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
