when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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