First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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