I just cut my nipple shaving
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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