Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
