If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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