Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize