My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just gargled with NyQuil
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
