i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
