dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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