No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize