look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
