he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
