Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
