I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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