You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
