I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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