Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
