i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize