mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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