she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How does one acquire holy water?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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