well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
