i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
