my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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