i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
