the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
