how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
