Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
