Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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