i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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